Category: Chuck Norris

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris once smoked an entire pound of dank in one sitting. When his wife refused to make him an entire 5-course meal, he used his Jedi-like Norris powers to fling her into outer space. But not before a swift roundhouse kick to the ovaries, celebrating afterwards by eating three hundred chocolate snack packs.

Oftentimes Chuck Norris will work local pizza delivery jobs; however he’ll substitute roundhouse kicks instead of pepperoni and machine gun fire in place of cheese.

Whenever Chuck Norris has an orgasm, a building explodes.

Chuck Norris once round house kicked every citizen in Canada with one swift move. When questioned about the kick Chuck replied, “Canada is for pussies.”