Every time the cops get an APB to arrest Jack Bauer… Every time the cops get an APB to arrest Jack Bauer, half the department mysteriously calls out sick. The fire department too, just in case. Related posts: In high school, Jack Bauer got a job… Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys… The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Jack Bauer… Jack Bauer doesn’t lose weight, weight loses Jack Bauer.