Jack Bauer does not care for names. Every entry in his address book is simply labeled “Son of a Bitch.”
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris. Why? Because he’s a pussy.
Jack Bauer has never taken a dump that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these dumps, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
You will tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know. It’s just a matter of how much you want it to hurt.