Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist… Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists. Related posts: Jack Bauer once shot a terrorist plane down… In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell. Jack Bauer does not need eyes, he can smell a terrorist… When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists…