Jack Bauer

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Little did he know fear itself fears Jack Bauer.

When Jack Bauer takes a dump he doesn’t have to flush because his crap is so scared of him it goes straight to the drain by itself.

Oil and water don’t mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.

Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

If Jack Bauer was on Oceanic Flight 815, he’d have been off the Island with 23 hours & 59 minutes to spare.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

To sleep, Jack tortures himself to death, then wakes up fifteen minutes later.

When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.