Category: Jack Bauer

When Jack Bauer gets within ten miles of you, you automatically start sweating.

You’re either with Jack Bauer or against him. If you’re against Jack Bauer, you’re either dead or will be soon.

Jack Bauer is the only man thus far to make Elisha Cuthbert call him daddy.

In grade school, a little boy punched Jack Bauer’s daughter Kim, and she ran home to tell her dad. That little boy’s name? Stephen Hawking.

Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.