Jack Bauer is the only man thus far to make Elisha Cuthbert call him daddy.
In grade school, a little boy punched Jack Bauer’s daughter Kim…
In grade school, a little boy punched Jack Bauer’s daughter Kim, and she ran home to tell her dad. That little boy’s name? Stephen Hawking.
Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist…
Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Before heroin, Jack Bauer tried becoming addicted to speed…
Before heroin, Jack Bauer tried becoming addicted to speed… but it only slowed him down.
When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.
When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.