When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer got him to admit…
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer got him to admit that the solar system revolved not around the Sun, but around his gigantic balls.
If you break one of Jack Bauer’s ribs…
If you break one of Jack Bauer’s ribs, he’ll just use it to stab you to death.
Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol…
Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack motherfucking Bauer.
When asked at a restaurant how he likes his steak, Jack Bauer…
When asked at a restaurant how he likes his steak, Jack Bauer replies, “Just knock off the horns and wipe its ass.”