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Chuck Norris has a pet chipmunk named Boris Norris. If you tell Chuck that it’s cute that Boris rhymes with Norris, he rhymes “your head” with “roundhouse kick.” He then gives Boris a cookie for his troubles.

In a fight between Batman and Superman, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was actually born a triplet. His brothers were death and pain.

As a young lad, Chuck Norris’ parents warned him of household toxins that little Chuck should avoid. Proving his superior wit and strength, Chuch then shattered a thermometer and drank the mercury, ate a handful of lead-filled paint chips, and chased it all down with a shot of Clorox. Disappointed in his parents, Chuck roundhoused his dad, and then ripped off his mother’s left hand and bitch slapped her with it. How dare they patronize Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris’ smile can blind a full-grown adult at twenty paces and has been known to deflect all projectile weapons, including rocket launchers.