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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen Sandiego is. He impregnated her with one swift punch to the ovaries, and she bore him a child. We know him as Superman.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.