Mr. T

Mr. T once won the Olympics. All of them.

Mr. T cannot be killed by conventional means. The only known method to destroy him is prolonged exposure to jibba-jabba.

Mr. T pities the fools who don’t eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.

Mr. T is on the Dow Jones stock index. Better known as “Gold”. Today he was up 3 points.

There was a time when Mr. T didn’t pity fools. That time was called never.

The wrath of God is outmatched only by the pity of Mr. T.

Mr. T never actually learned to drive, roads simply move to be where he is. A road once failed to move prompting Mr. T to pity it until it became the Grand Canyon.

Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called “I Pretty the Fool”. No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.

Mr. T’s mother did not break water, she broke molten gold which, upon being born, Mr. T formed into his first gold chain.