Vin Diesel

If you freeze frame #3,000,547 of The Empire Strikes Back, you can actually see Vin Diesel cut off Luke Skywalker’s hand with a Ginsu Knife.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s. When asked why he doesn’t do this Vin replied “Because Grammy’s are for queers.” Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Vin Diesel.

The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi’s Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children’s hospital.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.