When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.